My Broken, Bleeding Heart

Life is muddy isn’t it? You agree with this person, and you agree with that person, but they hate each other. They don’t know each other, but they hate each other. People want you to check a box, but you don’t live in boxes. I don’t either.

We are constantly being faced with division on social media, the internet, news outlets. Of course we are spending less time together in an effort to keep each other and ourselves safe during this pandemic, so it’s easy to forget that there are loads of people out there, just like us, who simply want what’s best for all of us.

I think that because all we are seeing right now is messages of US and THEM, we forget that we are ALL human. Perhaps it’s these rose colored glasses but I believe that given the opportunity for meaningful conversation we would discover that 90% of the people agree on 75% of the things. The 25% we can’t agree on is usually about HOW things should be done. The 10% of the people, well…

I believe that solutions, lasting solutions, only come when people are willing to actually listen to others with an open mind. Listening to someone while mentally preparing your argument is not actually listening.

Hate is never the answer. Hate is always the problem.

We need to stop having conversations as labels and start having conversations as human beings.

I’ve been called lots of things over the years. One of the ones that has stuck with me is “bleeding heart liberal”. The person who used it didn’t know me. They didn’t know that I’m actually a bleeding heart moderate 😜. They also intended it as an insult, but it didn’t hurt my feelings.

I’ve been ‘taken for a ride’ plenty of times over the years. I’ve chosen not to make waves because I could understand someone’s point of view, even when I didn’t agree with something. I’ve experienced manipulation by people I considered friends and I know that it is likely to happen again in the future.

I know that when I get to heaven I will discover I have been wrong about many, many things. (You will too, in case you are under some other impression.)So, how do you reconcile making the best choice you can, with knowing that you are inevitably going to be wrong sometimes?

Love is always the answer. Compassion is always the answer. Empathy is always the answer.

If I’m wrong because I give people the benefit of the doubt…

If I’m wrong for not holding people to a standard I’m unsure of…

If I’m wrong because I’m too easy on people…

If I’m wrong because I let people take advantage of me…

If I’m wrong for allowing my heart to “bleed” for people who are hurting, for people who are less fortunate, for people who don’t have the love I’m blessed to have…

Then I’m wrong, and I can accept that. I will continue to be a bleeding heart.

Right now though, my bleeding heart is broken. All of the hate out in the world has been weighing heavy on me and for fear or being misunderstood or saying the wrong thing, I’ve been holding a lot back.

This canvas really helped me process all of that frustration & sadness. It also brought me hope and joy.

It actually started as another painting entirely. It was a group of diverse women in every shape color and size. I was going to name it ‘Together’. In my frustration I decided that was not a realistic image. In fact it probably wasn’t even something to aspire too. After all, there are too many difficult issues to overcome to pretend we can just lock arms and sing kumbaya.

I started to scrape over the faces with black paint. Then I added large swashes of red and blue everywhere, muddying with one another and the black beneath.

Then, I began to add points of white. I added some brighter variations of red and blue. Then we had teal and pinks. I even added shades of purple. That’s when my intuitive process stalled for a few days.

I stared at the canvas and at first I simply saw chaos. So, I added some light. I brought entire sections of the piece together with a golden patina technique I learned from The Turquoise Iris.

Finally, I grabbed my favorite shade of purple. The purple that I’ve always felt best represented my own standing in the political spectrum. I knew the message I wanted this piece to send. I knew that even in chaos, this was beautiful.

Y’all.

Let’s just love each other.

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